I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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