I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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