He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
