how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
