I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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