A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
