I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize