I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
