ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
A+ Viking dick
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
