OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
