i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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