Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
