I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
