I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I touched a dick in church today
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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