Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
