We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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