Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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