he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
