is your mom at the bar?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize