I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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