Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
