ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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