remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
