Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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