dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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