you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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