Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
