im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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