Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
