Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
