There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We talked him into tasing himself.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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