just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
