Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
