Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
