Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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