I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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