She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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