I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
