he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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