some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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