9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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