Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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