we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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