oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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