My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
