Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
