well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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