wat bout pragnant strippers??
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize