This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dick very happy bro
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
