I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
