so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
