If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
do herpes really smell.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
