john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize