i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So apparently I’m into choking now
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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