I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize