ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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