take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
