Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
