chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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