I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
