god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
