Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we made out on top of his cat.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
