Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
as a side note pls kill me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize