I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I need to align my fucking chakras
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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