I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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