I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
