i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
