I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
