Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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