the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i came on her dog
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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